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Saturday, March 24, 2012

Am I A SLUT? Slut slut slut!!!

What is a slut? I spend a lot of time talking about "slut shaming," and advocating for a woman's right to explore her sexuality. I proudly marched in SlutwalkNYC, and wore a shirt that said "SLUT" across the chest in large letters. But...what is a slut? I think everyone has their own version of what that word means, and it's safe to say that we aren't all on the same page. I'd like to take a little time to explore the word "slut." Shall we?

Ok, so let's start with one of my FAVORITE resources, Urban Dictionary! They provide a few definitions of the word slut:


1. Slut: A woman with the morals of a man.

2. Slut: Someone who provides a very needed service for the community and sleeps with everyone, even the guy that has no shot at getting laid and everyone knows it. She will give him a sympathy fuck either because someone asked her to or she just has to fuck everyone she knows. These are great people, and without them sex crimes would definitly increase. Thank you slut, where ever you are.

3. Slut:  A derogatory term. Refers to a sexually promiscuous person, usually female. One who engages in sexual activity with a large number of persons, occasionally simultaneously. Also refers to one who engages in sexual activity outside of a long-term relationship within the duration of said relationship. These sexual activities include but are not limited to: passionate kissing, manual stimulation of genitalia and/or breasts in the case of a female; oral stimulation of these parts; sexual intercourse. In some cases, used to refer to a woman who is wearing "skimpy" or tasteless clothing. Less commonly, used as a derogatory term by one female for another during periods of conflict.
 
Ok, so definition #1 is pretty vague- a woman with the morals of a man. Well, that still doesn't answer the original question- what is a slut? What qualities would a man need to possess in order to be labeled as a slut? Since slut is usually used in a derogatory manner, does this mean that men have bad morals, or is it only problematic when women act this way? 

Definition #2, holy shit. What a disaster. 

But seriously...okay definition # 2 applauds women for their slutty behavior. By this definition, women are like saints who provide community service by having sex with ugly men. This is pretty disturbing, isn't it? Also, there's the assertion that if more women were sluts, sexual assault would decrease. As in- "well, if more women would put out, then we wouldn't have to rape them." 

So, according to definition #2, sluts are good for society because they satisfy the needs of men/animals who can't control themselves. So, not only does definition #2 insult men, but it also reminds women that if they get raped, it's their fault. Interesting definition...Oh, and the dumbass that wrote the definition can't spell. Just saying.

Ok- so what the hell is a slut?? It's a woman that acts like a man, but also assists men by servicing their rabid sexual appetites. So, a man who services other men- a gay man? Now I'm getting all confused. Maybe definition #3 can shed some more light on this predicament...

Definition #3 is probably the best one of the three. So basically, a slut is a woman who has lots of sex with a large number of individuals and possibly cheats on her partner. Who decides what qualifies as a "large number?" 3? 33? 333? Who decides? 

Also, this definition states that a slut has lots of sex, and sometimes does the same while in a relationship. Ok, so whether or not she has a partner, she's a slut if she's having lots of sex. Hmm...what does society call women who are single and DON'T have sex? Prudes. Frigid. Bitch.

So, should we be sluts, or prudes? If the golden number for "too many partners" is 4, and we have sex with 5 people, are we sluts, or just a little trampy? What if we only have sex with people that we are in relationships with, but have MANY relationships- is that slutty? 

The definition also points out that a woman can be considered a slut based on the clothing that she's wearing. So, if a virgin is wearing a short skirt and/or a low top, is she also a slut? 

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Slut if you do, prude if you don't! 

So- am I a slut? I like to have sex, and I've had sex with more than 1 person in my lifetime. I have had sex with boyfriends, and I have had sex with men that were not boyfriends. I wore a short dress while I was in Florida this past week. Ok, I guess I'm a slut. According to definition #2, I'm saving the rest of the world from being sexually assaulted. Wow, I deserve an award! 

Seriously though...fuck all of these definitions, every single one. Next time somebody calls you a slut, ask them what that word means to them. I'm curious.
 
Xoxo
 
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ps- No, that is not me in the picture, but it's a cool picture, right? According to definition #3, she's a slut! Also, did you enjoy reading this article? If so, then you should buy me a coffee by contributing to my blog fund. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but seriously, a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do! Oops, does that make me a slut?



11 comments:

  1. I think the only thing differnt between a slut and a whore, is that a slut gives it away, and a whore charges for it. Either way, men behave like this without anybody SHAMING THEM.
    I say whether your a slut or a whore, its YOUR BUSINESS and society has no right passing JUDGEMENT.

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  2. I like the definition of a slut in The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton. "A slut is a person of either gender who lives their life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you."

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    1. One of my concerns with that definition is the assumption that pleasure is always good for you. Our culture perpetuates the myth that if we just give ourselves everything we want, we will be happy. But often times, that happiness is elusive, either because some things are harmful in the wrong context (like eating too much food, even if the food is not bad in and of itself) or because once we get what we thought we wanted, we start thinking it would take "more" to make us actually "happy" (like money). I think this can apply to the pursuit of wealth, the desire to be popular, job status, food, and yes, even sex. I think there are plenty of people who think sex is nice and love the pleasure it brings but would put certain constraints on it, such as wearing protection, having a partner tested for STD's, or even waiting until marriage. Does that mean they hate sex? Personally, I don't think so. Consider the marshmallow test on delayed gratification. Restraint is not always a bad thing:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment

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    2. To clarify a bit further, what I mean is that while that definition may sound clever, it stigmatizes women who have made a different sexual choice. It stigmatizes those who choose to abstain from sex for any reason (either for a time or altogether) as being prudes who are not in touch with their sexuality, dislike sex, and/or don't find it pleasurable. There are many reasons why women make the sexual choices they do, and not everyone who chooses to restrain their desires is doing so out of disdain for sex.

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  3. Mona- I like that too. "the radical proposition" haha brilliant!! xoxo

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  4. Someone so educated should spend her resources and brains trying to help the 27% of homeless children in this country starving, or the 43% of Americans with out jobs. Perhaps join a great cause helping those in need in all areas of the world, instead of spending so much time defending the rights of people who want to sleep around with no circumstances or care in the world. Too many highly educated people in this world waste there talents aka Brains. Defending peoples stupidity and irresponsible actions is just a waste of time.

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    1. Since when is the unemployment rate 43%? I don't think you're talking about the same country here. I agree with you that these are important issues, but making up statistics is just silly. That, or please say what country you're from? Also, I definitely don't agree with a lot of the points made on this blog, but I can understand that one woman is trying to stand up for one thing she believes in. I hope you do the same regarding the issues you listed.

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  5. Anonymous- if those are the issues that you're interested in, then perhaps you should tackle them. I spend my resources and brains working towards the causes that are important to me. Not to say that the issues that you mentioned aren't important to me, but there's only so much that one woman can do. I am not defending people's stupidity and irresponsible actions. Would you like to know what I'm actually doing? Long story short- the topic of my dissertation is on how different forms of sexism contribute to rape myths about females in the sex industry. If you are unfamiliar with research on rape myths, you can check out Burt (1980) as a start. Women who are considered "sluts" are often the target of rape myths, and this contributes to a culture of violence against women. This is what I am concerned with. That is the topic of my research, and this blog is just a side project, and a way for me to educate others about the harmful effects of "slut-shaming." So yes, while I am concerned with the homeless and the jobless, I am also concerned with women who are targets of stigma, abuse, and rape.

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  6. The 43% unemployment rate was inaccurate not sure what I was supposed to type but that wasn't it. Its at about 12.1% which is still high.
    I just think there are bigger fish to fry for the greater good of all mankind.

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  7. You may take issues with all these definitions, but between them they represent how most people feel and use the word. Including me.

    And I'm sure you're intelligent enough to understand point #1 without it needing greater elaboration. The giant issue of gender hypocrisy when it comes to behaviour.

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  8. The way that I've defined "slut" for myself is a girl/guy who has sexual relations with many guys/girls, but doesn't expect the same pleasure back. For example, a girl who gives a random guy head, but doesn't expect anything in return, is probably a slut, (I didn't use a guy as an example because generally, as women, we are taught to "please" our man, which makes us more likely to expect little in return. If you don't believe me, just pick up an issue of Cosmo. I swear to god I'm sick of spontaneous blow jobs...) I think that having sex with different people is okay, so long as you're having just as many orgasms as your partner.

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