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Saturday, April 14, 2012

Marland Anderson (Sledge Hammer) Tazed To Death By LAPD

According to the LA Times, “Porn Actor Is Dead After Clash With LAPD Officers.” A clash…? From what I’ve read and heard, this sounds much more like murder, not a “clash.” Of course most media outlets won’t tell the true story. God forbid we accuse the LAPD of fucking up. For the record, I never knew Marland Anderson (aka Sledge Hammer), and have only started communicating with his girlfriend, Alexa, today. However, from what I can tell, the LAPD REALLY screwed this one up.

 (Oh, and I know this may seem like a minor detail, but “Porn Actor” is not an accurate way to describe an individual who works in pornography. “Porn Performer” would be more accurate. I did not know this until a good friend made me aware of this a couple of months ago.)

For those of you who are unfamiliar with what happened, you can read the REAL story (rather than the crap that the LA Times published) here

This was a man with a mental illness, not a criminal. There needs to be more communication between mental health professionals and law enforcement. Cops are NOT mental health professionals! I don’t understand why only cops show up to this sort of emergency- why isn’t there a therapist on staff? If Alexa called 911 regarding a mental health issue, WHY WHY WHY were there NO mental health professionals present? Why were there cops using force with an innocent man? Why did they need to taze him 6 times!? Oh…and why the hell did it take them TWO hours to get him to a hospital?

As both a therapist and a sex-worker advocate, I am disgusting by how this case was handled. What Marland actually needed was an ambulance to bring him to a hospital so that he could receive the care that he needed. A person with mental illness should be treated with respect and care, just as any other individual with an illness would be treated.

It breaks my heart to think of what Marland must have been thinking in those moments. I have struggled with horrible bouts of insomnia in the past, and after being awake for 4 days, I thought I was losing my mind. This is not a fun place to be, and I was fortunate enough to receive proper medical care. Shouldn’t everyone be able to receive the same? He told the police that he was “very tired and scared.” This doesn’t sound like a man who was out to hurt anyone, except for perhaps himself. This was a man who needed help.

So here’s my question- now what? Will the LAPD be held accountable? Will this make headline news? Marland worked as a porn performer. If he had worked as a politician, would this be making headline news? Absofuckinglutely. I don’t want to make this article about sex worker rights, but it’s something to consider. Do stigmatized members of our society receive the same respect as other individuals do? No they don’t, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.

Okay, and here’s another thing- Monica Foster, I have never met you, but you’re an idiot. When I read your blog, my brain cells die off quicker than usual. It pains me to read some of your crap, but I guess I’m addicted to the pain. Much like Shelley Lubben’s garbage/anti-porn propaganda, I just can’t tear myself away.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with these two women, they two former-porn performers turned anti-pornography nut jobs. Shelley Lubben recently made a memorial video, showcasing the various performers who died at the hands of the porn industry. Except wait…that’s not the truth. Most of the performers died of causes that can’t even logically be tied to the porn industry. Some of the performers died due to suicide and substance abuse issues, but can we blame that on the porn industry? Correlation does not equal causation. What don’t people understand about that?

My job as a therapist can be stressful at times, so if I go and off myself, will people start to blame the field of psychology for my death? Other performers in this video died in car accidents and due to heart problems. Why is Shelley Lubben trying to relate these deaths to the porn industry? It doesn’t even make sense. One of the performers actually died from an asthma attack, can someone PLEASE tell me how that could be related to the porn industry? Another from brain cancer. Does pornography cause cancer? Give me a break.

This isn’t a memorial, it’s just another way to push her anti-porn agenda. You can see the “memorial” video here:

As I’ve said before, Shelley Lubben claims to want to help porn performers, but all that she does is label them, stigmatize them, and try to speak for them. Ok, now back to the other idiot that I mentioned.

Today Monica Foster tweeted the following:
Details of the today's death of black male pornstar Sledge Hammer #rip #teamgod #teamjesus #GetOutPornValleyNow

Ok, so let me get this straight, are these anti-porn activists SERIOUSLY  going to try and blame the porn industry for Marland’s death? If Marland had “gotten out of porn valley,” would his mental health issues magically vanish? No! Once again…GIVE ME A BREAK!
Ugh, idiocy everywhere I turn. Whatever, I’m off to put on my pink wig and head to NYC for the Sybarite Awards. Cheers.



Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Broken Hearts & Open Vaginas

“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” Woody Allen

“Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” Woody Allen

Just when I’m certain that I’m the most bitter person around, I turn to Woody Allen. As a self-identified bitter romantic & fan of good sex, I spend a lot of time pondering my relationship to these things, and their relationship to one another. Love and sex- do they go hand in hand? Do they have to? Should they? Is it better when they do, or it is worse?

A bit of clarification- when I use the term “love” in this post, I am referring to romantic feelings, not necessarily the state of actually being “in” love. Just, ya know…when you have those fuzzy feelings for someone, when your stomach hurts because you miss them. All that horrendous bullshit, which can also turn into a state of full blown disaster (aka, being in love) but it doesn’t begin there. It begins with the crush…the ruminating thoughts…the butterflies. It ends with a cracked IPhone screen and a few empty bottles of tequila. Kidding…?

Okay, so back to business- slut shaming. We live in a society where a woman is shamed for having a wide open vagina. “Open for business!” What about a wide open heart? How does society perceive individuals who just love to be in love? Those who crave that intimacy with another human? Those who are convinced that they were married to Shakespeare in a past life? Are they labeled as romantics, love addicts, old souls, artists? These labels don’t seem as bad as “slut,” but I suppose it depends on who you ask. Maybe these people should be just as shamed as all the sluts out there!

Why is it more acceptable to give one’s heart away, but not one’s genitals? Which has a higher likelihood of resulting in heartache and distress?

This is the kind of bullshit philosophy that pisses me off- “Civilized people cannot fully satisfy their sexual instinct without love.” Bertrand Russell.  

Really? So let me get this straight- it’s possible to have romantic feelings for someone that you haven’t done the nasty with, but it’s impossible to not have feelings for someone that you’ve enjoyed a mind-blowing orgasm with? Give me a break.

If you are a woman who has enjoyed casual sex in the absence of romantic feelings, are you defected? Broken? A SLUT?

If you are a woman who has enjoyed romantic feelings for someone in the absence of sex, are you…? What are you? Fill in the blank, because I’m really not sure.

In my opinion, society judges the former more than the latter. In my experience, the latter can cause a lot more mental anguish. I’ve been in both situations, and I think it’s obvious which one I prefer to be in.

At this point in my life, it’s probably easier to get into my vagina than it is to get into my heart, and I’m not ashamed of that. I’ve proudly labeled myself as a “slut” many times (despite the current lack of traffic in my bedroom. *sigh*). However, I am not proud of what has become of my emotional self, my romantic self. That’s the part that feels the most damaged, even though it is utilized even less frequently than the other part.

I suppose it’s no surprise that I have this quote tattooed on my back- “Cupid is a knavish lad, thus to make poor females mad.” Good ol’ Shakespeare. Now there was another bitter and tortured love-sick sex crazed fool.

Until a better night,

“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.”