“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” Woody Allen
“Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” Woody Allen
Just when I’m certain that I’m the most bitter person around, I turn to Woody Allen. As a self-identified bitter romantic & fan of good sex, I spend a lot of time pondering my relationship to these things, and their relationship to one another. Love and sex- do they go hand in hand? Do they have to? Should they? Is it better when they do, or it is worse?
A bit of clarification- when I use the term “love” in this post, I am referring to romantic feelings, not necessarily the state of actually being “in” love. Just, ya know…when you have those fuzzy feelings for someone, when your stomach hurts because you miss them. All that horrendous bullshit, which can also turn into a state of full blown disaster (aka, being in love) but it doesn’t begin there. It begins with the crush…the ruminating thoughts…the butterflies. It ends with a cracked IPhone screen and a few empty bottles of tequila. Kidding…?
Okay, so back to business- slut shaming. We live in a society where a woman is shamed for having a wide open vagina. “Open for business!” What about a wide open heart? How does society perceive individuals who just love to be in love? Those who crave that intimacy with another human? Those who are convinced that they were married to Shakespeare in a past life? Are they labeled as romantics, love addicts, old souls, artists? These labels don’t seem as bad as “slut,” but I suppose it depends on who you ask. Maybe these people should be just as shamed as all the sluts out there!
Why is it more acceptable to give one’s heart away, but not one’s genitals? Which has a higher likelihood of resulting in heartache and distress?
This is the kind of bullshit philosophy that pisses me off- “Civilized people cannot fully satisfy their sexual instinct without love.” Bertrand Russell.
Really? So let me get this straight- it’s possible to have romantic feelings for someone that you haven’t done the nasty with, but it’s impossible to not have feelings for someone that you’ve enjoyed a mind-blowing orgasm with? Give me a break.
If you are a woman who has enjoyed casual sex in the absence of romantic feelings, are you defected? Broken? A SLUT?
If you are a woman who has enjoyed romantic feelings for someone in the absence of sex, are you…? What are you? Fill in the blank, because I’m really not sure.
In my opinion, society judges the former more than the latter. In my experience, the latter can cause a lot more mental anguish. I’ve been in both situations, and I think it’s obvious which one I prefer to be in.
At this point in my life, it’s probably easier to get into my vagina than it is to get into my heart, and I’m not ashamed of that. I’ve proudly labeled myself as a “slut” many times (despite the current lack of traffic in my bedroom. *sigh*). However, I am not proud of what has become of my emotional self, my romantic self. That’s the part that feels the most damaged, even though it is utilized even less frequently than the other part.
I suppose it’s no surprise that I have this quote tattooed on my back- “Cupid is a knavish lad, thus to make poor females mad.” Good ol’ Shakespeare. Now there was another bitter and tortured love-sick sex crazed fool.
Until a better night,
“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.”