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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Girl on Girl Hate

At the age of 13, I thought I was a pretty badass feminist. I proudly listened to Bikini Kill, wore Sleater Kinney shirts to school, and spoke out about GLBTQ issues. For as insecure and nerdy as I was, I knew that I was proud to have a vagina and felt that women should be respected. I was convinced that I was destined to marry Kathleen Hannah, and prayed for the day when I would get the fuck out of Connecticut (that day still hasn't come. Seriously? Yeah, it's pretty bad). I would grow up and be tattooed, rebellious, and smart. I would be a writer, publishing brilliant works inspired by Sylvia Plath and Kate Chopin. Well, some of those things came true, but not the writer part. I ditched that whole idea and decided to get an equally useless bachelor's degree in psychology. Thankfully, I"m in a doctoral program so I MIGHT be able to get a decent job one day...but that's a big maybe. Fingers crossed!!  Anyways, back to the issue at hand- feminism through the eyes of a 13 year old. I thought I knew everything, but there were fundamental flaws in my "feminist thinking." I claimed to be all about "equal rights," but I thought that pornography was disgusting. Oh, and what about strippers? Yup, assumed they were all dirty tramps and whores, a disgrace to feminism. In my little 13 year old mind, I truly believed that women in the sex industry were all ditzy, on drugs, and made of plastic. How could these women be doing this shit- don't they know that they're perpetuating violence against women!?!? They're degrading themselves!?!? Don't they know that men are using and abusing them!?!? WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING??? Oh yeah...and then I grew up.

I will admit, it took me years to become the sex-positive feminist that I am today. It didn't happen at 14, oh hell no. This is often around the age when a woman becomes interested in the opposite sex/dating (if she is heterosexual). I liked boys and I wanted boys to like me, and ONLY ME (yes I am a hot-blooded jealous woman), and therefore I saw women in the sex industry as a threat. This logic makes no fucking sense, but it did at the time. Who were these beautiful busty blonde whores on the television? Gasp! I don't want my boyfriend looking at these women...they're hotter than me! So...what do I do about it? I call them ugly whores, and act like a jealous catty bitch. Wow, real mature Christina.

So, here I was, a young feminist who claimed to love women, but only if they looked "punk rock" and didn't pose a threat to me. If a girl was pretty, blonde, wore make-up, and was on the receiving end of attention from a guy that I liked, then she was basically dead to me. Here's the thing...I grew out of that. I learned better. Now, at 26, I'm a real feminist, who respects and embraces women, whether they're doctors, porn performers, secretaries, homeless, or sex workers, etc. As young women, we are taught that we should judge other women, and that's really frightening. Of course, I'm only speaking for myself and telling my experience, but I see this happen a lot in society. I've spoken to many women who think I'm out of my mind for supporting the decriminalization of prostitution. I'm sure some of them have very legitimate arguments for their reasoning, but I can't help but wonder if some of these women just think "Oh no, but those whores will go after my husband!" No lady, sex workers aren't all running after your husband. Calm down.

This issue has been on my mind a lot lately, probably because I'm a constant target (due to my anti slut-shaming Facebook photo campaign) and because I speak my mind. Just a few months ago, an acquaintance of mine told me that he had witnessed a group of women that I know looking through my Facebook pictures. These women were commenting on my photos from Slutwalk NYC (yes I was wearing a pink wig and bra), talking about how "trashy" I looked. These are grown women. GROWN WOMEN with professional careers. The great irony- these pictures were taken at Slutwalk, a march aimed to raise awareness about slut-shaming and rape culture. Well, that says it all, and so does the picture posted above.


  1. Very interesting. Thank you for a new perspective.

  2. No problem, I'm glad that you enjoyed it :)

  3. I love this post. I think it is important. I think girls of middle and high school age should see it. Has Heather Corrina seen it?

  4. I love that you wrote this blog, I've also noticed how some women can be competitive & hateful towards other women. I think part of the problem is that women feel insecure, & having to media tell us we have to look like a supermodel makes us hate beautiful women because we become jealous. I used to feel this way when I was young, around 14, 15, but when I got older, I realized women are not my enemy that I need to fight & conquer, but my ally. Women go through the same crap I do, & if we stopped fighting each other over men, which there are billions of, we could make our lives a lot better.

    Something I want to mention is that watching porn actually increased my self-esteem. There are all types of women in porn, & all are displayed as beautiful. And while 1 or 2 men might say this girl is ugly/fat/etc., there are also 5 or more men who say she is beautiful. I think it teaches women 2 valuable lessons. One is that all women are beautiful, & are some man's type. 2nd, just because one man says you are ugly, does not mean you are. Everyone has their own taste, & no person can be attractive to "everyone." Viewing porn has had a positive impact on my life for many reasons. I really view it the wrong way, & don't realize how beautiful it can be.

  5. Last sentence should say, "some people really vew it the wrong way" not I really view it the wrong way. Big difference, lol :)