Vacation!!!

Dear friends & readers- I am sick of the cold, and need a break. I'm getting on a plane in a few hours and am headed to Florida, hopefully soaking up some sun on South Beach tomorrow. I probably won't have much access to the internet, but I hope that people continue to engage in discussions in the Facebook group, and continue to support each other and this cause. Since I won't have much time to write while I'm away, this is a perfect time to send me some guest submissions.

Love, peace, and orgasms

XOXO

Page

Don't You Feel Used? Guest Post # 2

I am SO pleased to announce that we have received our second guest post from one of our incredible readers! I've only been accepting guest posts for 3 days, and I've already received two! So, for everyone who insists that women in sex work and the sex industry don't have a choice, or a voice, this guest post is for you. To all the "feminists" who deny the existence of women who CHOOSE to be involved in the sex industry, this post if for you. I've spent my entire day speaking to "feminists" who tell me that my work is immoral, and that I am "supporting the patriarchy and suppressing women." Seriously? Give me a fucking break.

I'm doing the opposite of that. I'm giving women a voice- women in the SEX INDUSTRY. Yeah, get over it, the sex industry. Women who fuck on camera for a living. Women who work in brothels. Women who work as escorts. Women who masterbate on a webcam. Women who work in strip clubs. Women who get paid to cum. Women who get paid to offer their time, company, and conversation. They are used to hearing "you're just a whore," "you have sex on camera? wow, don't you feel used?" "are you supporting a drug habit?" among other things. Well, they're sick of hearing it and they want you to hear their side of the story.

So, here is guest post # 2. The writer requested that I post it anonymously, and of course I will honor that request. She sent a picture to go along with it, and that is posted below the entry.

Thank you so much for your bravery and for your help with this important project. Xoxo, Page

Untitled

 I met a sex worker when I was six years old. Back then I didn’t know she was a sex worker. She was a beautiful and friendly woman. People treated her differently I noticed, however I couldn’t put my finger on how exactly they treated her differently. Perhaps it was just something I sensed. I overheard my parents discussing how this woman was a ‘working girl’. I didn’t know they meant sex worker. I assumed that meant any woman with any job was a working girl. I never thought about it a great deal after that, and I had no idea that one day I would be a working girl too.

 When I was fourteen, I read an article in Cosmopolitan magazine about a woman who worked her away around the world as a prostitute. At this stage in my life I hadn’t even had sex, but I thought ‘I could totally do that!’. Although in saying that, travel was not a motivating factor when I did venture into the industry.

 I started working as a sex worker just after my seventeenth birthday. I had a fairly expensive drug addiction at the time and was having problems with the law. No one ever pushed me into sex work. I must be clear about that. I was never the kind of girl who believed love and sex to be mutually exclusive. Which led to think why give it away for free?? In the beginning I really didn’t know what I was doing, and I was unaware of the power I could ultimately wield.  Over time the people I was working for began to treat me worse and worse, however I won’t delve too deeply into that can of worms now. After I turned 18, I was able to legally advertise, so I left and began to work for myself. It was incredible! I was making more money than I knew what to do with, I could choose my own hours. My mantra was the line Julia Roberts says in pretty woman- “I say who, I say where, I say how much.’ 

The clients fascinated me. All so different, yet with so many similarities. I loved learning about my body, what turned me on, what I reacted to, what repulsed me. And I loved learning about their bodies, and their minds, their fears, their desires, their troubles. I loved having my body worshiped, and sometimes my mind too. In end I worked in the sex industry for a total of six consecutive years. I started my journey of giving up drugs about a year before I left the industry. I really enjoyed my time in the industry and look back on it with fondness, and no regrets. I have experienced trauma in my life, but not due to the sex industry. A lot of frightening things happened to me in the drug scene, but even those I do not regret. 

I love who I am today, and I am an accumulation of my experiences. Thank god I have been able to choose how I want to live. The worst thing about working as a sex worker was not how I felt about it, it was other people felt about it. Words like disgusting, dirty, slut, whore. Questions like ‘don’t you feel used?’ ‘Don’t you feel ashamed?’ ‘How can you do that for money?’ ‘Don’t you feel degraded?’ Well, in a nutshell, No I don’t and never have felt ashamed. I have felt more used by boyfriends-which society says is ok- than I ever did my clients. How can I do that for money? I’d rather do that than work at McDonalds! And no, I don’t feel degraded. I have felt more used, degraded and under-appreciated in mainstream employment than I ever did a sex worker. I suppose you are wondering why did I leave the industry then? Many reasons. I have a daughter now, and while I may share with her one day my experiences, I don’t want her to have to deal with society’s views of what her mother once did for a living. And I guess I’ve just changed. I no longer have the energy.

 When I have sex now, because I’m not working, I can be more concerned with my own pleasure. Well, I’m going to wrap this up now, because I could probably ramble on about this topic forever!!

Ciao xx

Rape As An Occupational Hazard

It's been quite a day...a really fucking long and annoying day. Where do I begin? For starters, I made a HUGE mistake by promoting this blog on a certain Facebook wall which will remain nameless (ahem...it begins with "Femi" and ends in "ism!"). This was hours ago, and there are still women fighting on the page. I had countless women telling me that I'm contributing to the patriarchy, that what I'm doing is disgusting, that women in the sex industry NEVER have a choice, the ridiculous list goes on.  It was hard to pick just ONE highlight, but here it is, carefully selected by yours truly:

Page: Prostitution will ALWAYS exist. Always has, always will. It makes much more sense to legalize it, regulate it, and ensure that the women are being STD tested regularly, and have the same rights that other workers are entitled to. It's a basic harm-reduction model.


Angry woman from the FB page: Bestiality will ALWAYS exist. Always has, always will. It makes much more sense to legalize it, regulate it, and ensure that the animals are being STD tested regularly, and have the same rights that other animals are entitled to.

Page: Comparing women to animals- that's the best thing I've seen yet. Here's the difference- animals can't give consent. They can't speak. Women can. Did you seriously just make that comparison?

 Wow. So, that's all I'm going to say about that. Now, I know what you're thinking- "Really? Is that all she's complaining about?" But wait for it...wait. It got worse.

There I was, on my bed with my lovely dog, wasting my precious time arguing with these ridiculous people on some Facebook page. I was already feeling pretty bad about my Friday afternoon (and my lack of a life). Then, my mother came over.

Normally, my mother's visits are pleasant. Although she's pretty conservative, she manages to tolerate my constant rants about sex workers, porn, feminism, dildos, etc. I know that she doesn't quite understand what I'm doing it or why I'm doing it, but at least she always appeared to respect it. Well, today she decided to share her real opinion with me-

That there is no merit in what I am doing. She can't even BELIEVE that a school would allow a student to do their dissertation on women in the sex industry, and that she doesn't understand why I don't "care as much about all of the other women in the world who are being abused, just the prostitutes."

Whoa, hey there. I was just trying to fry up some fucking tofu for lunch, and now I have to deal with this? Rather than throw a pan at the kitchen wall and burn the apartment down, I remained calm.

"Um...Mom...aren't sex workers women too? Don't they count? What makes them any less important than any other population of women that I could be studying?"

Mom: "Well, it's wrong that they get raped, but they should sort of know going into it that the job is dangerous, that it might happen. Just like cops know what they're getting themselves into. There's plenty of other women who get abused but you only care about the porn stars and hookers." 

Me: (Lost my shit)

Ok, not really. I actually remained calm (it was difficult, trust me). I tried to give her a crash course on rape myths, stigma, blah blah blah. It didn't end well.

I emailed her a link to this blog about a week ago, because I am proud of it. I've worked hard on this and I know that a lot of my readers appreciate my efforts, and I appreciate my readers. I know that she never bothered to open the link. If she had, maybe she would understand the merit in what I am trying to do.

Oh well, fuck it. I guess I just wanted to vent. Thank you to everyone who has been sharing this blog, and to my dog, who helps to keep me sane.

The silver lining in this cloud: I'll be on a plane in about 24 hours, headed towards palm trees and sun.

xoxo

Page

Late Night Musings

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about stereotypes and stigma. I just posted the following comment on my Facebook page, and would also like to share it here:

 I was raised to believe that people in the sex industry are bad, dirty, amoral people. I think most of us grew up hearing these same stereotypes, and most of us still believe them. I've been doing a lot of research on the sex industry for dissertation (and because I've always been fascinated by it), and have been talking to a lot of people that work in the industry. People who work in the sex industry are people, just like you and I. I have been met with nothing but kindness and appreciation from people in the sex industry, as well as sex workers. They understand what it's like to be unfairly judged, and so they don't do it to others. Just an observation that I've made, based on my recent experiences. Conclusion: A lot of the shit that we learn growing up is bullshit. Oh, and I can't wait to finish my degree and move out of CT. The end. Goodnight friends xoxo

 

 

"I Am A Sex Worker"

Hey everyone! Guess what!?!? We received our first guest post today by a fabulous woman. Niki- thank you for your courage and for allowing me to publish your story. xoxo

I am a sex worker. That’s right, I am in the business of selling sex, by choice. I know what you’re thinking- “Oh, poor girl. Someone must have touched her inappropriately as a child.” Or, perhaps you’re thinking “What a whore. She’s probably doing it to support her cocaine habit.” Lastly, my favorite- “Well, she must not be very bright. No self-respecting woman would do such a thing.” Well, if you’re thinking those things (or anything close to it), then I especially encourage you to keep reading. There are no horrific tales of abuse here, there’s no drug habit or child to support. There’s just me…a 29 year old woman, going to school part-time, working a professional job part-time, and doing sex work in between. I grew up in the suburbs in a happy and well-adjusted family. I guess I don’t fit the stereotype of a sex worker, do I? Sorry to disappoint you, but I thought you should know the truth.

Perhaps you’d like to know what type of sex work I do. First let’s talk about what I don’t do. I don’t have sex for money. Surprised? I’ve never gotten paid to touch a man (unless you count diamonds and expensive dinners from ex-boyfriends as payment. Seriously, aren’t we all just sex workers?). I have friends who engage in prostitution, and I have nothing but respect and love for my girls. I don’t judge sex workers, regardless of the type of work that they do. I have my own brand of sex work. I do porn, have sex on webcam (sometimes alone, sometimes with a friend), sell my personal belongings and photos to adoring fans, and occasionally phone sex. Let’s just say that I make A LOT of money, but I have always been taught that it’s rude to discuss one’s finances, so let’s move on.

One of my pet peeves- people who try to save me. People who pity me. I’m not asking for your fucking help, got it? I choose to be a sex worker, and I enjoy it. I enjoy the flexibility, the money, the respect. I DEMAND respect from my clients, and if I don’t get it, then they don’t get what they want. I make the rules, and I can’t say that about any other job I’ve ever had.

I once had a woman (she claimed to be feminist) tell me that I don’t respect my body, and that I am “selling myself to the patriarchy.” What the fuck does that even mean, and how does this woman know how I feel about my body? In my opinion, she’s just as bad as all of these fucking Republican pigs who try to tell us what to do with our pussies, even though they have a dick between their thighs. I decide what I do with my body, got it?

I love my life. I love my body. I am a sex worker.

Niki

PS- Thank you Page, for having the guts to stand up for us.

Guest Blog

If you are interested in guest blogging, please let me know. I am particularly interested in the experiences of current/former sex workers and/or women in the sex industry. If you'd like the opportunity to share your experiences with us, feel free to send me an entry. This is your chance to let people know that you are/were a sex worker by CHOICE. As we all know, there are many people in this world that don't believe this exists. We would love to hear about your experiences.


Xoxo, Page

Girl on Girl Hate

At the age of 13, I thought I was a pretty badass feminist. I proudly listened to Bikini Kill, wore Sleater Kinney shirts to school, and spoke out about GLBTQ issues. For as insecure and nerdy as I was, I knew that I was proud to have a vagina and felt that women should be respected. I was convinced that I was destined to marry Kathleen Hannah, and prayed for the day when I would get the fuck out of Connecticut (that day still hasn't come. Seriously? Yeah, it's pretty bad). I would grow up and be tattooed, rebellious, and smart. I would be a writer, publishing brilliant works inspired by Sylvia Plath and Kate Chopin. Well, some of those things came true, but not the writer part. I ditched that whole idea and decided to get an equally useless bachelor's degree in psychology. Thankfully, I"m in a doctoral program so I MIGHT be able to get a decent job one day...but that's a big maybe. Fingers crossed!!  Anyways, back to the issue at hand- feminism through the eyes of a 13 year old. I thought I knew everything, but there were fundamental flaws in my "feminist thinking." I claimed to be all about "equal rights," but I thought that pornography was disgusting. Oh, and what about strippers? Yup, assumed they were all dirty tramps and whores, a disgrace to feminism. In my little 13 year old mind, I truly believed that women in the sex industry were all ditzy, on drugs, and made of plastic. How could these women be doing this shit- don't they know that they're perpetuating violence against women!?!? They're degrading themselves!?!? Don't they know that men are using and abusing them!?!? WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING??? Oh yeah...and then I grew up.

I will admit, it took me years to become the sex-positive feminist that I am today. It didn't happen at 14, oh hell no. This is often around the age when a woman becomes interested in the opposite sex/dating (if she is heterosexual). I liked boys and I wanted boys to like me, and ONLY ME (yes I am a hot-blooded jealous woman), and therefore I saw women in the sex industry as a threat. This logic makes no fucking sense, but it did at the time. Who were these beautiful busty blonde whores on the television? Gasp! I don't want my boyfriend looking at these women...they're hotter than me! So...what do I do about it? I call them ugly whores, and act like a jealous catty bitch. Wow, real mature Christina.

So, here I was, a young feminist who claimed to love women, but only if they looked "punk rock" and didn't pose a threat to me. If a girl was pretty, blonde, wore make-up, and was on the receiving end of attention from a guy that I liked, then she was basically dead to me. Here's the thing...I grew out of that. I learned better. Now, at 26, I'm a real feminist, who respects and embraces women, whether they're doctors, porn performers, secretaries, homeless, or sex workers, etc. As young women, we are taught that we should judge other women, and that's really frightening. Of course, I'm only speaking for myself and telling my experience, but I see this happen a lot in society. I've spoken to many women who think I'm out of my mind for supporting the decriminalization of prostitution. I'm sure some of them have very legitimate arguments for their reasoning, but I can't help but wonder if some of these women just think "Oh no, but those whores will go after my husband!" No lady, sex workers aren't all running after your husband. Calm down.

This issue has been on my mind a lot lately, probably because I'm a constant target (due to my anti slut-shaming Facebook photo campaign) and because I speak my mind. Just a few months ago, an acquaintance of mine told me that he had witnessed a group of women that I know looking through my Facebook pictures. These women were commenting on my photos from Slutwalk NYC (yes I was wearing a pink wig and bra), talking about how "trashy" I looked. These are grown women. GROWN WOMEN with professional careers. The great irony- these pictures were taken at Slutwalk, a march aimed to raise awareness about slut-shaming and rape culture. Well, that says it all, and so does the picture posted above.

Shelley Lubben & The Pink Cross Foundation

Have you ever heard of Shelley Lubben? Well, I hadn't until recently. Now that I've been introduced to her "work," I can't tear myself away. Not only does Lubben appear to be a complete train wreck, but she also actively works to increase the stigma of women in the sex industry. If you've read any of my other blog posts, I don't need to get into why this pisses me off. Ok, so a bit of background information...

Lubben, or "Roxy," is a former pornography performer, and current born-again Christian/anti-porn activist. She established the Pink Cross Foundation, offering support to individuals who want to escape the dreaded and disease-infected sex industry (please take note of my sarcastic tone). However, Lubben believes that EVERYONE in the industry is a victim, in need of saving. (Whatever happened to choice and free will?) She speaks out against the porn industry, claiming that she contracted HPV and Herpes during her time in porn. Is it possible that she contracted these things during her time as a prostitute before going into the porn industry? Just sayin. She demonizes the porn industry rather than taking responsibility for her own actions. Additionally, Lubben was in porn for about a year, from 1993-1994. This was before the adult industry had the health & safety/harm reduction protocols that it has now, such as regular STD testing & follow-up. Although some producers required it, there was no central database. So, although it's possible that Lubben contracted something while working in the industry, this is not the same industry that exists today.

She's on a big mission to "save" these poor, lost, victimized souls. Ok...to each their own, I can respect that, under the right conditions. If I believed that Lubben was actually out to help people and to make a positive difference, I would not be writing this entry. Here's the thing though...I don't buy it. Lubben isn't trying to help anyone, and she's doing much more harm than good to the men and women in the sex industry. She  makes sure to let everyone know that all women in porn are victims. They are on drugs, they are abused, they are not doing this consensually. They are brainwashed. This is what Lubben wants the media to believe. Here's the problem...much of our society already believes these stereotypes of women in porn, and Lubben is only making matters worse! She claims to want to help these women, but only perpetuates the stigma against the same individuals that she claims to be so concerned about!! Oh, and she makes blatant racist remarks during interviews. If you think I'm exaggerating, then take a look at the videos below.

Newsflash Shelley: NOT ALL WOMEN ARE COERCED INTO THE SEX INDUSTRY. Some women actually enjoy performing sexual acts on camera, and getting paid for it. It's fine if YOU didn't enjoy it (certainly the work isn't for everyone), but why do you insist on putting words into other people's mouths? This is the same kind of anti-feminist propaganda that I'm always speaking out against. It's so frustrating!!!

Michael Whiteacre is a filmmaker and writer who works to expose the truth about Shelley Lubben. I stumbled upon his films about Lubben, and immediately recognized that this was a voice of reason. I have posted Part 1 of his film, The Devil and Shelley Lubben, as well Shelley Lubben: Prophet or Pimp. More of Whiteacre's work can be found on YouTube, Michael Whiteacre's Lubben Playlist. 

Xoxo
Page

"Become a Porn Actress"

Well, hopefully the title captured your attention. The following link was sent to me today by another fellow  activist: "Become a Porn Actress" 

Although this is all detailed in the article, I will give a bit of background: March 20 is Equal Pay Day in Belgium, raising awareness about the severe pay gap between men and women. The public service announcement (if you click the link, you can also watch it) features well-known former-porn star Sasha Grey, who is a self-proclaimed sex-positive feminist. Grey has been features on shows such as The View, and has spoken about her choice to star in porn and the empowerment that she felt as a result. In the PSA, Sasha talks about her former jobs, and experiences in porn, stating "

I liked really dirty things. I've been hung upside down and tied up and had a 12" dildo stuck in my ass. With my mouth gagged. I'm proud of this. It's something I chose to do. Who I am? I'm Sasha Grey."

 Rock on Sasha, I support you!! So far so good, right? The PSA ends by declaring that these days, the only way that a woman can make more than men is in the porn industry. The PSA makes it sound as if porn is a shameful career, being sure to have Sasha highlight the "shocking" things that she has down in porn films. So, this is what this ad says to me- "The pay gap sucks, and unless you want to be a disgusting whore and go into porn, something must be done to change this!"   So, here we go again with the slut-shaming and stigma against women in the industry. I wonder if Sasha knew what she was getting into with this PSA. I am disturbed and confused by the entire thing. Does anyone have any thoughts?

Below is a photo of Sasha that is unrelated to the PSA. I love her message. 

 

Stop the War on Women!

Fellow activists: I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS EVENT!! On April 28, 2012, there will be a March Against the War on Women in Connecticut. The organization is currently in the works, with over 400 individuals part of the group! You can check out the facebook group here https://www.facebook.com/groups/CTWOW/401200886573785/?comment_id=401204143240126&notif_t=like

The group is looking for volunteers to help with organizing the event. Let's all work together to donate time to this amazing cause.

I am SICK AND TIRED of Republican men telling me what I should and shouldn't do with my body, of hearing Limbaugh's constant slut-shaming, and of the war that's being waged on women in our society. I am very excited for this event!

Xoxo
Page

Shame on You Psychology Today

Hello fellow activists, check out the following article at:

http://stanley-siegel.com/

I used to be a fan of Psychology Today, but not after reading this.

xoxo
Page

Blog- Identity Crisis

So, I'm finally admitting to the fact that I don't have the time or resources right now to formally launch a SWOP-CT chapter. If only there were 30 hours in a day. So, I don't feel right about labeling my blog as a SWOP chapter blog, since CT does not yet have a formal chapter. I'm going to re-name the blog and change a few details in the mission statement, but not to worry, it will still be a blog about sex worker rights, women's issues, slut-shaming, rape culture, etc. I am here to dispel myths myths about women in the sex industry, and to advocate for rights of sex workers. We are all human and we all deserve to be treated as such. This is a public health and a human rights issue, and I will never stop working to raise awareness.