Imagine the scenario, if you can: You’re
a heterosexual/bisexual woman on a first date with a man. So far, so good. You
haven’t had to use the fake “I have an emergency, I have to go!” (aka
dial-a-friend-tosavemefromthisnightmare) excuse. The dinner is coming to its
end and the server places the check on the table, closest to your date. Your
adorable date flips it open, glances it over quickly, and says “Okay so let’s
split this, should we use card or cash?”
I have to confess, I practically gagged
as I wrote that. C’mon ladies, even diehard feminists- what are your INITIAL
reactions/thoughts to this man?
Okay, next scenario, if you can: You’re
a heterosexual/bisexual woman on a first date with a man. So far, so good. You
haven’t had to use the fake “I have an emergency, I have to go!” (aka
dial-a-friend-tosavemefromthisnightmare) excuse. You’re finishing up your
appetizer, and the date asks you to elaborate on your research/life/job/interests/whatever
the hell people ask on a first date. You mention that you’re a sex worker/sex
work researcher/feminist/don’t want kids/have tattoos/whatever it may be, and
your adorable date says something prickish that insults your feminist ideologies
(“all women want kids, your clock will start ticking”).
Again, I practically gagged when I wrote
that. C’mon ladies- what are your INITIAL reactions/thoughts to this man?
Well, I’ve been in both scenarios. My
reaction each time? He’s gone from adorable date to idiot monster, and I will
never see him again.
Why? Well, in scenario 1, he’s diverting
away from traditional gender role norms. Norms say that men pay (especially
early on), and women do not. Men are the breadwinners, and women must be taken
care of. Benevolent sexism 101.
In scenario 2, he’s conforming to
traditional gender role norms. Women are supposed to be chaste, stay at home
raising the family. We are supposed to have biological clocks that tick, as we
sit around watching Lifetime TV and brushing our hair. Well, if that asshole
thinks that I’d want that, then he can go to hell. I’m a feminist, mother
fucker, and maybe my clock is broken!
So, do I want a man who conforms to
traditional gender norms, or who strays away? Welcome to “Why Christina Is
Single Part 1.”
I’ve been giving this topic a lot of
thought lately. I’m a single self-proclaimed feminist who has interest in
studying the sex industry. Okay, since I’m using the “F” word, I should explore
what it means to be a feminist. I know that I’ve always abhorred traditional
gender roles, but WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? And, do I really hate them, or do I only
hate the ones that won’t benefit me? I expect a guy to pay on the first date. I
expect some chivalry, or do I actually expect benevolent sexism? I also expect
a guy to “think outside of the box.” My ex-boyfriend of many years (and still a
good friend to me, somehow. God bless his patient soul!) HATED when I would
joke about having a penis (I don’t actually have one). He would squirm when I
would make proclamations about our future child’s yellow bedroom walls; fuck
blue and pink!! Even better, I don’t ever want kids! Talk about squirming.
He was SO damn traditional and it drove
me nuts! This was a big part of the reason that our relationship ultimately
ended. However, he was also a gentleman and I loved this. Gentleman (in this
context): noun; a man who gave me diamonds and took me to lots of nice restaurants. *For the record, he is/was also an all-around nice guy.
Are you starting to see my point? When is
it benevolent sexism, and when is it just being a “nice guy?” As modern day
feminists (?) what do we expect?
I’m lost. Thoughts?
For the record, I find this cartoon to be offensive. Or, at least, I think I do. I did at one point...but now I'm not so sure! God dammit, being a young woman in today's world is confusing. Being a feminist in today's world is even worse!