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Saturday, January 19, 2013

I Am a Sex Worker AND a Human Being.


A guest submission by anonymous:

Pussy. Twat. Vagina. Cunt. Cum Dumpster. Receptacle. Clam. Fuckhole. Slit.
Those are some of the commonplace words used to describe my vagina on camera.

Some of the words are okay, and other freaks me out. My genitalia is not seafood. However, it is a cunt. Twat. Pussy. Hole. Those are some of the terms that I frequently use while performing on camera. I’m a sex worker. I’m a webcam performer. Webcam model.  Cam slut.  Cam Whore.  Adult entertainer.

Those are some of the terms that I, and others, commonly use to refer to this line of work.

This work, the sex work. Routine, ready?

5-10 minutes of make-up
10 minutes of hair
5 minutes of putting on high heels and panties (possibly 10-15 minutes for complicated lingerie)
2 minutes of calculating how much money I need to make that evening to meet my weekly personal goal
10 minutes of tweeting, social networking, and getting the word out. GUYS…I’M COMING ON! COME SEE THIS PUSSY IN ACTION! Tweet tweet blah blah skype tweet twat twitter twatter. I have a bill to pay. I have a textbook to purchase. My dog needs food. I want a new purse.  Rent is due.

Webcam modeling/performing/porning/whoring/whatever is my only source of income.  It is my job. I get ready to go to work. I have a somewhat regular schedule, I have clientele, I have “regulars,” I have merchandise to sell. I have a product to push. I had advertising to do. I have responsibilities. I pay taxes. I keep receipts.

I pay every single one of my bills, and then some, with this income. I live in an expensive apartment, and I am not frugal. I need vacations and sushi to be content. My family does not respect my work. My mother says it is “dirty money.” My friends, a mixed bag. Some are very supportive, some are disgusted, and a few have gotten into the business themselves. The disgusted ones are always the most fascinating. They never come right out with their disgust; it’s always covert.

“It’s great that YOU do THAT but I could NEVER show my vagina to the whole world. I don’t know, it just feels wrong.”

“Ha, well if I ever drop out of school, at least I can fall back on that!”

“Ew, do you have to SEE the guys who pay you? That sounds gross!”

Whatever.

I’m a sex worker. I put things in my vagina for money. Sometimes, I even put them in my ass. If I’m feeling REALLY frisky, I put things in both holes…AT ONCE! I can be your sub, your dom, your nasty slave bitch, your mistress, your sex educator. I can let you worship my feet, I can humiliate you. I can make you feel like you’re the most powerful man on earth. I can wear my panties all day long, and then ship them to your door in a ziplock baggie. I can dance for you. I can make custom videos for you, (insert name here).

I can do all of these things and more, for a price.

I am a sex worker, and last time I checked, I am also a human being. 

I have a family. I have friends. I have a pet. I have lovers. I have ex-lovers. I have loves. I have colleagues. I have hobbies. I have a fucking pulse.

I enjoy my job. I am blessed, lucky, entitled. Certain things in my life have fallen into place and have allowed me to be a sex worker in the cushy end of the hierarchy. Yeah, that hierarchy exists and it’s fucked up. More on that another day.

Regardless, in a lot of ways, I am lucky. Without sex work, I would be living a very different life. I would be drowning in student loans. I would be depressed. 

As with most jobs, there are down sides.

There are many men AND woman in this world that believe that I am worthless.  As a sex worker, I have been called:

Dirty. Diseased. Uneducated. Ignorant. BB. Filthy. Ugly. Fat. STD-Infested. Bitch. Old. Too chunky. Too skinny. Tramp. Dyke. Slag. Slut. Retarded. Cunt.

I have: No morals. Dead parents. A father who must hate me. A father who must have molested me. A hatred for men. Loose lips. A loose pussy. Loose morals. No morals. Weird tattoos. An ugly nose. A flat ass.

I am: Going to hell. Pathetic. Going to regret this. Never capable of doing any more than this. Deserving of rape. Worthless. An idiot. Not even worth being paid. A sinner.

I hear those words, those accusations, those dirty disgusting filthy things every week. Daily. Weekly. Monthly. Yearly. All too often. If you’re a sex worker, I bet you do too.

People hate me. Society wishes that I would disappear. Society assumes that I have sex with every single human that I come into contact with. They assume that I have herpes, crabs, chlamydia, HIV. They assume that I am a crack addict. There is nothing wrong with having an illness or an addiction. However, why should it be assumed that I have any of these things, merely based on my choice of occupation?

The feminists are the most perplexing; the type that tell me that I’m perpetuating hate against women, that I am the patriarchy. That I am brainwashed, I am coerced. I am doing the wrong thing with my pussy. Wait, isn’t is MY pussy though? The feminists are often VERY perplexing.

People get very angry with me. They send me random hateful tweets. I’ve had my name published on websites. I’ve had people threaten to expose my personal information. All because I’m a webcam performer. And yet…

The most fascinating piece of the puzzle…

Consistently, every week, I make a lot of money. I have thousands of viewers, and hundreds of tippers. Society wishes I would disappear, but SOMEONE is paying me to stick around. In fact, it seems that A LOT of people are paying me to stick around. They sent me gifts. They send me jewelry. Household items. Gift cards for food. Money on Christmas. Money on my birthday. Money to pay every single bill. I wager that they will continue to do so.

To be loved, adored, and admired. To be hated, resented, verbally degraded. Every day, every week. It’s quite the dichotomy.

I am a sex worker. I love my job, and I wish society would get off my fucking back about it.


14 comments:

  1. I think it's essential to keep emphasising this point because it's so often forgotten by those outside the sex industry who know nothing about the lives of sex workers yet presume to know what's right for them - one of which being that they're some sort of sub-human incapable of making their own decisions about how they want to live their lives. I wrote a piece for Harlots Parlour about going from knowing virtually nothing about sex work and sex workers and assuming they were victims to realising there is far more to the sex industry and the lives of sex workers. (Just to add, I never thought of sex workers as sub-human or not-people or that anyone had a right to decide what was best for those in the industry or that the industry and those working in it should be stigmatised - I just didn't appreciate that, though some people are forced into the sex industry, it isn't everyone's story.) Here's the link. http://harlotsparlour.com/2012/07/27/notes-from-a-sex-industry-novice/

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  2. Damn right! Keep doing what you do and don't let anyone fuck with you.
    And all of the internalized misogyny is disgusted. Women shouldn't be shaming each other! We have to stick together!

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  3. Hi! great and important piece and one I'm currently highlighting in my Indiegogo campaign. If you can share it, that would be great. We do indeed suffer all of the stigma and judgement but opening up the dialogue and refusing the stereotypes goes a long way to changing things, one blog at a time, one article at a time, one right gained at a time. Keep on keeping' on! Steph
    http://www.indiegogo.com/sex-workers-speakeasy/x/2007500

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    1. Hey Claudia! I'll pass the message along. How's the campaign going? xo

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  4. Hi! Im a studying my last semester at the photojournalism program at the mid sweden university in Sweden. Soon I will go to California and make my exam project about the sex industry in San Diego and LA. Im searching for information and contacts about the subject. I found your blog when searching on the internet. If you like you could send me an email to: eren1001@student.miun.se
    Best regards // Erik

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  5. Fucking love your writing Christina!! Love this article, your writing is consistently amazing love beck xx

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    1. Thank you Beck!! I was just thinking about you a few hours ago!! I'm putting together a powerpoint presentation, and used a quote of yours from something that you had written for me a while ago :) How are you?? It's been TOO LONG! Are you ever going to make it to the states?? If you are able, you should check out the sex work conference in Vegas in July, Desiree Alliance. Hope all is well and would love to hear how you're doing!!! xo

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  6. Excellent writing. Powerful statement. Truthful. It's your life... Obviously youre not gonna let anyone change that and that take a lot of courage. Good luck.

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  7. Hi Christina - Do you speak at public engagements? I believe that stumbling on to your provocative amazing blog is like a Godsend. I am holding a speakers panel at my University to discuss Sex Work and it's workers on March 8th, 2013, and I'd welcome your pro-decriminalization perspective as a panelist. If you're interested please contact me (807.343.8879) or please provide me with some of your contact information. *fingers crosssed*

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    1. Hi Althea! Where is the University? I looked up your area code and see that you are in Ontario? I am living in Florida, but will actually be presenting at the Association of Women in Psychology conference in Utah March 7-11, so I would be unable to make it. I am interested in talking though, and coming to any future panels, depending on the location! I'm glad that you enjoy my blog :)

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    2. I am way too excited that you replied, lol!! We're in Thunder Bay - Lakehead University. I did not realize that you were in the USA. I am going to keep you on my list of Dream Speakers for the next academic year, Christina. The March 8th event will my Centre's last until September 2013. Best wishes for your upcoming engagement.
      I'll be reading...

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  8. This is amazing! thank you for sharing your current situation :) I did street sex trade as a youth and now work with sex trade workers who are usually street based. I am feminist, but strongly believe that feminism is about supporting other womyn, regardless of what decision they make

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  9. This site is very helpful for us. Thanks for such a nice post. I found a lot of useful tips from this post.
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