Common Nightwalkers, Disabled Escorts, & Massachusetts Law Enforcement

If you ever want to lose your lunch, check out some of the popular escort review sites. This will be an effective way to make yourself sick, and test your stomach's strength. Sites such as USA Sex Guide are forums in which clients can discuss their experiences with sex workers of various types. USA Sex Guide states on their site "The purpose of this Forum is to facilitate the exchange of information between men who are looking for sex with women.”

Okay, fair enough. From a business model, it makes sense that these sites exist so that customers can make informed decisions about the sex workers that they choose to spend their money on. Unfortunately, many of the reviews are extremely crude, offensive, and degrading. While this is not always the case, I have come across many postings that made my stomach turn. Listen fellas, here’s a word of advice- RESPECT YOUR HOOKER AND PAY THEM WELL! Lots of ego stroking going on in these forums...among other things.

Yesterday, I spoke to two of my friends who were very upset and alarmed by what they read on USA Sex Guide. Here are some screen caps of men discussing their experiences with an escort who goes by the name Kathy, in the Fitchburg MA forum. Before I say anymore, I will let you look at the screen caps, and form your own opinion. Have fun! 

Well, isn't that pleasant. Oy vey. Now, here we begin to hear about her possible disability...

Okay, so what do we have here? A disabled escort who may or may not be able to give consent. There are many questions still unanswered; what is her disability? Is she able to give consent? Is she being sexually assaulted? If she really has the mindset of a child, as one client suggested, how is she posting advertisements on Backpage and seeing clients? Is she receiving help from somebody; is she possibly being coerced by somebody?

The forum messages were found in the Fitchburg Massachusetts forum, but we learned from other postings that Kathy has moved to Leominster, MA. Both of my friends called the Leominster police station, concerned over what appears to be happening to Kathy. Oh…we are such silly activists, aren’t we? Assuming that the police will care about a sex worker?

My friend spoke to a male police officer who informed her that Kathy has been arrested several times for being a “common nightwalker,” and that she is not disabled. This is paraphrased: “Kathy is dumb and stupid, but not mentally disabled. She knows what she is doing. She is not a victim, she is a criminal and we have been arresting her for years.”

Oh my. That didn’t go so well, did it? So, the next step was to call Adult Protective Services, and there is now a case open and an investigation that is supposedly going to take place. So far, no word back on that.

I finally got fed up and decided to call the Leominster police station myself. I was calm and articulate, and opened by stating that I am a sex worker rights activist as well as a therapist and doctoral student. Yes, I was waiving my credentials around because I knew that perhaps it would help me to be taken seriously. That is the world that we live in, and it worked. I spoke to a female cop for at least 10 minutes, and she was polite and willing to listen. However, her perspective on the matter was just as disturbing as the male cop's perspective.

Paraphrase (this is a conversation that I will probably never forget): After I told the cop my concern about a developmentally disabled woman being abused, the cop said “Oh, she’s not a victim, she’s a prostitute and we have arrested her several times. We are very familiar with Kathy.” Okay take note of the language used- SHE’S NOT A VICTIM, SHE’S A PROSTITUTE.

I managed to keep my cool on this one, and informed the woman that anyone can be a victim, and that it is in fact possible for a prostitute to be raped/assaulted. She stammered a bit, and went on to explain that Kathy is not disabled in any way. Okay…now we are getting somewhere! Next, I asked her which psychological evaluations have been conducted to determine that she is not disabled, and where these were done. The cop said that none had been done, but that the police have had enough interactions with her to know that she is not disabled. Whoa…wait, what? I wasn’t aware that cops receive mental health and assessment training. That’s news to me!Why am I even bothering to get my doctorate in psychology? I could just be a cop.

She continued to repeat that Kathy is choosing to post herself online and is engaging in illegal activity. Therefore, she is not a victim. I attempted to reason with her, telling her that I understand that prostitution is illegal, and that I am not disputing the arrests. I am merely concerned that this may be more than just a case of prostitution, but of a woman who is not able to consent; a woman who is being taken advantage of. The cop offered to send police officers to Kathy’s home to “check on her and ask her if she needs help.” She called me back a couple of hours later, and reported that Kathy told the police officers that she did not need any assistance. Yeah, no shit. I would not want to deal with a group of cops that have repeatedly arrested me and referred to be as “dumb” and “stupid.” That was that, and it was the last that I heard.I was appreciative that the cop took the time to send officers to Kathy's house, and called me back. That is more than I expected.

My friend has been in touch with another Leominster cop who has been more helpful, so we are still waiting to see what the outcome is.

So, there you have it. Another fucked up story involving a sex worker and law enforcement. Is anyone surprised? I'm not.

What Psychology Has Taught Me About Love & Sex

DISCLAIMER: If you’re looking for real expert-ish type advice on love and sex, run. QUICKLY. This is merely a list of things that being a graduate student of psychology has taught me about love and sex. Or rather, it’s more of a look inside the demented dating life of a psychology graduate student. I am currently single, with a string of bad relationships in my wake, so I obviously haven’t learned much. Actually, it’s more like a list of my failures, and of things that idiotic men do to piss me off. 

Target audience: Psychologists, therapist, graduate students, and other cynical like-minded bastards (such as myself).

Perhaps some of you will find my revelations witty. They came to me while I was driving home from the liquor store. Here we go:

Five out of ten potential suitors will say the following when they learn of your graduate training: “Oh, so does that mean you’re going to try to analyze me, or something?” The answer (that I say in my mind): “No, you idiot. You’re not paying me. Also, most women are going to try to analyze you, regardless of their graduate training. Dolt.”

Beware of arguments with significant others. The following WILL take place:

• Scenario 1: You’ve screwed up (well, he thinks you’ve screwed up). Either way, you will hear the following: “Wow, how could you not know better? Aren’t YOU supposed to be the therapist?”

You will never be allowed to make a mistake in your relationship, because you are a therapist, and this means that you are an all knowing, all seeing, all powerful master of love and empathy. If you do not live up to this expectation, you will be hearing it from your partner.

• Scenario 2: He screwed up, and you are trying to figure out how this could have happened. You will hear the following from him: “I’m not your f!@king patient, stop trying to be my therapist!”

Wait…am I supposed to be a therapist…or not? Shit, now I’m all confused!

Important lessons:

Just because you are working with substance abuse patients does not mean that you need to date an addict. That is NOT part of the training. (LOL, oops!)

Similarly, just because you are working with patients that have personality disorders does not mean that you need to date an Axis II fella. That is NOT part of the training. (LOL, DOUBLE OOPS!)

Giving an assessment (for shits and giggles, let’s say the SCID-IV) to a partner seems like a fine idea at the time. You’ll get practice, and maybe you’ll get to learn some new stuff! WARNING: It seems like fun, until you learn things that you cannot unlearn. It’s all fun and games until someone comes up positive!

Your family warns you that if you spend another 34827637246 years in graduate school, you may never find a husband. Turns out, they may be right. Also turns out, I don’t give a shit.

When you hate the guy but the sex is great, you may end up dating him. Why have you convinced yourself that he’s so wonderful?  Look to cognitive dissonance for answers.

Your partner will likely be bored to tears when you tell him about your dissertation. UNLESS (and this likely only applies to me, and a select few) it’s on the sex industry. Or related to sexuality. Or they think they hear the word “sex” somewhere in there. Now, all of a sudden, you are assumed to be “slutty,” and possibly an ex-stripper.

That’s all for now. I will continue to update this list as I continue to go on more bad dates and/or get into dysfunctional relationships.

A Hooker's Daughter

Last night, I had a lovely time at my friend Bella's house. We had dinner with her daughter and a few of her daughter's friends. Bella's daughter, Jane (not her real name), was kind enough to let me interview her after dinner. Jane is a 20 year old licensed cosmetologist, currently living with Bella, a 47 year old escort. Bella has been a sex worker for almost 30 years, and this is her primary source of income.

Here's the kicker- Jane knows that her mother is a sex worker. *GASP* Well, according to Shelley Lubben (and several other anti sex work crusaders), sex workers are bad parents. For the record, I saw no used condoms, syringes, dildos or crack pipes. In fact, her house looked quite similar to the one that I grew up in, and Bella looked just like any other mom. Stereotypes be damned!

Here is a transcript of the interview- Enjoy!

1. So your moms an escort? What's your understanding of this?

I understand that she sells her time and companionship. She does that and I understand that she has regular clients. I'm a hair dresser, so I get it. You book times, it's a commodity. Sex sells. Also, I'm proud of my mom because she was a drug user and most moms wouldn't have made it through. I don't judge others, there's a lot of things unjust in this world. Life is unfair. Life choices are just a personal modification of who you are in the end.


2. Are you okay with your mother being a sex worker?

I worry about her well being. I worry that she's alone and I wish she could find someone. I also worry about her history as a drug user; I worry when she's out. I don't judge her sex work. I understand that if I had to pay my bills I wouldn't be afraid to take care of it myself.

3. Have you done or seriously considered sex work?

I've grown up in middle class, and I've also grown up poverty level. If I needed to turn to that, I would do it and wouldn't feel bad about it. I have friends that do that and are models and suicide girls and they're hot, and I don't blame them. They're paid to take off their clothes. I'd consider doing it- using your looks as a skill is the same as using your intellect.

4. If you could change one thing about the sex industry, what would it be?

I feel like in my mom's field there's a lot of exploitation. I know there's exploitation of minors. However, why should we be condemning adult sex workers because of what's happening to these 16 year old sex slaves? They're not the same thing. It's like child porn versus adult porn.

5. In the way that it has to be regulated?

Yes, I think so, there should be regulations and laws that we abide by. People have the right to make their own choices, as long as they don't hurt anyone else.


6. Any last words?

Not really. I think my mom did a pretty good job of raising me, so I don't really give a crap about what anyone thinks. I'm proud of her and who she is.

Many thanks to Bella's wonderful daughter for the interview! Also, thank you to Bella for cooking and having me over! xo

Oh, and here's a photo of Bella's table. Check it out; fresh flowers, but no crack pipes! Yes, it's true, sex workers are "normal" people too. Some are addicts, some are not. Same could be said for the rest of the human race. Society needs to stop relying on stereotypes and start LISTENING. Oh and notice the book on the table; Cop to Call Girl by Norma Jean Almodovar. :-)

How To Get Away With Rape

Hey there. Are you a middle (to upper) class White male? Do you own a suit that you can be photographed in? Are you a member of law enforcement? OH, and perhaps the most important piece of this equation- do you have access to prostitutes? Well then fella, if you're looking to get away with rape, you may be in luck! Just ask 27 year old Daniel Dana, former San Diego police officer. (Actually, you probably don't even need those first 3 criteria- just get a prostitute and you ought to be covered!)

In May 2011, Daniel Dana (aka piece of shit excuse for a human) RAPED a prostitute in his patrol car. Some articles refer to it as "coercion," but I see no need to soften the language. Here is a direct quote from LA Times

"He had been charged in May 2011 with coercing a 35-year-old prostitute into having sex with him in his patrol car by threatening to arrest her if she refused."

Oh...so he threatened a woman with arrest if she refused to put his penis inside of her. Around these parts, we call that RAPE. Interesting how the article never once uses the word "rape." I suppose "coercion" sounds nicer. Actually, a better explanation is that since this scumbag is/was a cop, he can get away with nearly anything.

The article in Mercury News had the good sense to label the incident as what it was: "forced." Still, they shy away from the "r-word," until they mention the felony that Dana was originally charged with; "rape under color of authority." The following is from that article, found here Mercury News

"A former San Diego police officer accused of forcing a prostitute to have sex has pleaded no contest to a lesser charge.

Dana originally was charged with felonies including rape under color of authority. Prosecutors claim he threatened to send a prostitute he knew to jail in May unless she had sex with him.
The woman said she was scared into having sex with him at a park.

Dana's lawyer argued they had consensual sex. Prosecutor Annette Irving says a plea deal was struck because of concerns about whether a jury would be able to agree that a prostitute had been raped."  

Um...WHAT? 

No, really, WHAT?! It's 2012, and yet there are still members of our society (also referred to as idiots) who do not understand this simple concept- ANYONE CAN BE RAPED. 

Try this fun exercise: Take the word "prostitute" (highlighted in red for your convenience) and replace it with another noun. Suggestions: married woman, male, transgendered individual, minority, husband, stripper, black woman, porn star. 

So, did you enjoy the exercise? Did some of those nouns make you more uncomfortable than others when placed into the sentence? Angrier than others? Well, my point is that ANYONE CAN BE RAPED. Yes...even whores. 

Oh, and that our legal system is truly pathetic. Fucking pathetic.